all of a sudden you're a hostage to things you thought you wanted

[closely]

( open for messages, action, overflow. )

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[extirpator]

You’re not the first person to tell me that.

[ it’s said casually, leisurely even, like a reality he’s accustomed to.

but he’s talking — and that alone makes all the difference. nier can’t will himself to be upset with it. ]

I’m not even supposed to be here. But I am, somehow. If I want to do something — I will. And you can’t stop me.

[ and then with a more palpable anxiety— ]

…You okay? I figure the answer is no, but asking can’t hurt. I’m sorry if I pushed you past your limits…whatever those limits are.

[closely]

( idly he turns his hand back and forth, watches the permet radiate. it hurts but that's to be expected. when he lets it fall back down, he closes his eyes. )

So stubborn.

( a non-answer which is also an answer. but also a comment. it doesn't sound like a compliment or an insult, so much as an observation. if he's honest, four hopes that nier at least gets what he came for, is somehow able to save his sister though it wouldn't shock him if he'd been lied to. )

Oh.

( it occurs to him, well rather, he can't remember if he told him, )

...they're picking me up tomorrow. I won't be here for a few days.

( no one comes to peil house usually and four tries to keep it that way, but just in case. )

[extirpator]

Again: not the first to say that.

[ it doesn't change anything; in his mind, it is neither a compliment nor an insult. it's simply who he is.

what he says next, however, elicits a downturn of his lips. ]

Okay.

[ they both know, then -- that he was planning on seeing him. in a more upbeat, brisk tone: ]

I'll miss you. If you want to talk, call me. I'll be here, no matter what. Alright?

[closely]

( another long pause. he feels heavy. strange. )

I,

( his breath gets caught. he swallows around his unspoken thoughts. don't understand. )

...I'll will keep that in mind.

( i don't understand. you'll miss me? i don't understand... )

[extirpator]

I mean it. If you feel completely alone -- call me. I'll remind you that you aren't.

[ the sentiment is painfully earnest, even if it is ignorant. ]

Plus, it'd be good to hear your voice. So... don't be a stranger.

[closely]

( without really meaning to, four ends up sliding to the floor again, curled on his side. he's tired. maybe because he's so out of it, he ends up replying a touch less guarded...like it's the first thing that comes to mind and actually gets out, for once, )

They... probably ... won't let --

( -- me. the very thing he avoided saying not moments ago, but as he is now, he barely realizes he said it, eyes heavy. )

[extirpator]

[ he blinks, taking in the sound of his voice, the strain and suffering. there's a long silence. and then with clarity, and utmost gravity: ]

Are they the ones doing this to you?

[closely]

( for a while, four drifts, not wholly asleep and not really awake either. he doesn't know how to answer that. even if he says yes, then what? the call doesn't end, because it doesn't occur to him to do so, screen of his handbook still lit up, nier's name flashing across its center. )

[extirpator]

[ the silence is telling -- it's an answer, one that affirms his worst fears. he stays there, quiet, listening as elan breathes.

after a long while-- ]

Do you want me to stay with you?

[closely]

( no one's ever offered that. four doesn't know how to process it even now that nier says it so earnestly, as he does with everything. a far cry from someone like four who sounds like nothing matters even if everything does. but maybe, right now, he sounds...a little less...empty. or maybe a little 'more' present.

he sighs. )

No need. Good night, Nier.

( his first attempt to end the call fails, shaking too badly. the second time he succeeds, barely. falling asleep so fast his hand stays limp across the darkened screen.

he'd wanted to accept. it's something he'll realize while with peil this time, quietly running the gamut of tests and wondering what it means to have someone offer the things nier does. what it means...to want them. )